Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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