i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
