i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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