ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
