just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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