community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
