So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
