When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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