He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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