I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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