My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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