is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
