weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
