Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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