what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
