it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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