honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize