Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
