How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
