That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
