are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
