Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
