thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
