last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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