remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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