did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
