so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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