I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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