So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
