May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
