just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
