so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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