Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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