he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Couch. On fire.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
