come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
