You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
