How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize