shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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