Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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