Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
