Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
do herpes really smell.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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