I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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