Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
