I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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