I'm so fucking centered right now
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize