i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize