You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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