I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
