some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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