Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
