Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
