I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
