forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
only you would photoshop your dick
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
