you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
