apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
