I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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