my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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