there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
