Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
