ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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