Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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