Kiss
Puke
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
